Lately I’ve been deep in my head about my work.

I love photography—especially the kind that lets me build something strange or beautiful or emotional from scratch. Creative portraits, fine art imagery, visual storytelling…

Sometimes I come in with an idea and props I’ve made or gathered—ribbons, flowers, birdcages, vintage finds, strange hats, or bits of clothing. Other times, I just go with the flow, seeing what fits the mood from what I have on hand. I DIY a lot of my props, and I like when things feel a little unexpected or offbeat. It’s a mix of planning and improvising, chasing a vibe that feels real.

But real talk: I don’t always know what I’m doing.

Some shoots go great—everything flows, the light works, the vibe clicks, and I leave thinking, okay yeah, I nailed it. When it feels like the idea came to life the way I imagined, it reminds me why I keep doing this.

Other times I’m adjusting things that still don’t feel right, hoping something clicks.

My lighting skills feel like they’re still catching up to my ideas, and some days I get stuck trying to force a setup that just doesn’t work.

My studio is a converted room with barely enough space to step back with my camera. My lighting setup is… let’s say experimental. I make it work, but I’ve been wondering if I’m starting to repeat myself. Am I stuck because I’ve outgrown the space—or am I just playing it safe?

And honestly, having ADHD adds another layer to all of this. It can be overwhelming trying to remember everything that needs to happen in the moment—especially when I haven’t had someone in the studio for a bit. I forget things I know I’ve already learned. I try to write things down or recreate a lighting setup I’ve used before, but even then, I still feel like I just… can’t quite get it. It’s like starting from scratch every time.

Sooooo Frustrating . grrrrr

And lately, when models, clients or the makeup artists don’t share the images, I start wondering .hmmmm.

I try not to take it personally, but I do start questioning if what I created really didn’t land. eeek

I don’t have a neat takeaway here. I’m just in it. A little restless. A little lost. Still trying to get to the feeling I’m after, even when it takes a few dozen misfires to find it.

That’s just where I am right now. I dunno